Would You Use A Gender-Free Sex Toy?

The pursuit of personal pleasure has long been an exclusively gendered system, largely excluding those who adhere to non-binary beliefs.

However, given that diversity is the flavour of the month, something has decided to change that. 

Wild Flower is a New York City-based sex toy store which prides itself in shedding traditional gender norms that such toys are given, whether by society or the brands that make them.

Owners Amy and Nick Boyajian felt it was only fitting that, when the time came for them to design their own product, the priority would be that it was made for everybody to use.

But, they're not just trying to create a non-gendered toy: They're staging a direct challenge to the way we masturbate and are making sex toys more multidimensional in the process.

Wild Flower's first toy, the Enby, debuted last month, and as you can see below, it doesn't look anything like a toy you've used before. It looks like the a bike seat, or a shark fin, or a stingray — not a phallic replica, or a massaging wand.

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One of the many pieces of feedback we’re getting about Enby is how it validates different masturbation methods and styles, especially humping. Many of us learn to masturbate in a way that feels intuitive to us. It’s a very common experience for people with vulvas to learn self-pleasure by humping, rubbing, and grinding against pillows, furniture, and other textured items. It makes sense why this is a such a common way to first explore self-pleasure - grinding against different surfaces allows you to enjoy the texture while also controlling the pressure on your internal clitoris with the weight of your pelvis. You can also easily engage other erogenous zones like the nipples in the grinding fun too. However, as we age, many vagina owners learn to change their method of masturbation. Sometimes this is a natural evolution - something else just feels better. Other times it’s due to a lack of validation of this method. Many people we’ve talked to during the creation and introduction of Enby have told us stories about how they felt unusual humping because no porn depicted masturbation in this way, no toys were created for this style of masturbation, or because a partner commented negatively about their technique. It’s clear to see why narratives of humping haven’t been acknowledged - it’s not necessarily visually appealing for the viewer (Hi male gaze!), it doesn’t include penetration, and it’s a sexual act that doesn’t involve a penis or phallic object (uncommon in our very penis centric culture). When creating Enby it was important for us to validate humping as the amazingly fun and stimulating activity it is! If you enjoy humping, rubbing, and grinding to get off, know that you are not alone - this a completely normal and valid way of exploring self-pleasure and now there’s a toy for you ✨ ⭐️Image of @roro.online by @sayjor Makeup Artist @makeupbyslater Hair @gsvortex for @wildflowersex

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This is perhaps one of the most intriguing things about the toy, seeing as its functions are not immediately recognisable. This ambiguity opens its users up to a much more exploratory experience, where they can figure out what feels best for them. 

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The inspiration behind Enby is an example of how gender-structured our society is. 

After going through a gender affirmation surgery, one of Boyajian’s friends shared that she had to throw out all of her sex toys and start over.

“That was one of our light bulb moments: we wanted to create something that could take you through any transition, no matter your anatomy or identity,” says Boyajian. “No one should feel like their body or sexual desires are an afterthought.”

While the product comes with a detailed manual, the Boyajians maintain that once the Enby is in your hands, the possibilities on how to use it are actually endless.

"As we've given it to more people, they have explored more ways [to use it]," notes Amy. "When we gave it to one person they just sat on it, and while their partner was on top of them, it stimulated their... prostate from their external side, so that was a way that we didn't really conceptualise, but totally could be used," they explain.

"Another way that when you turn it on, turn the motor on, the wings that you can curl around, they actually flutter a little bit, they've actually used that way of stimulating too."

It is this multifunctionality that also relieves any toy-related anxiety someone new to sex toys might have. Since there's no wrong way to use it, it's totally fine to do whatever feels good. 

The hand-sized device is a giant step in a more inclusive direction. And they’re only just getting started.

Picturing the future of the industry, Boyajian sees a world where users—not brands—dictate the use of each device.

“For too long, the sex toy industry has prescribed identities and preferences onto its users. When we give customers the room to explore, we’re creating space for them to prioritize self-love and pleasure on their own terms,” she says.

To learn more about the Enby, click here.

Main image by @wildflowersex

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