63 Thoughts I Had While Watching GBBO Episode Five

It's 'Roaring Twenties' week on bake off this week...whatever the hell that means.

Preheat those ovens and soften that butter because this week we are headed back to the bunting-draped tent of our dreams for another week. 

With poor aul Phil having hung up his apron in last week’s dairy week, last night's show saw the 9 remaining bakers tackling custard tarts, beignets and sabayon (whatever that is) before attempting a prohibition masterpiece for their showstopper. This is a bit of made-up week in the tent. Nobody (not even the judges) really seem to understand what exactly counts as a 1920s bake. But who was a flapper and who art-decoed their way to star baker? All this tension and choux pastry based puns to remind us that it’s business as usual on Bake Off. 

If you missed it, now is a good time (really any time is a good time) to pop the kettle on, grab a 1920s treat (I don't know either) and watch the latest episode but if work or general  life is preventing that from happening - I'm here to help as here are 41 thoughts I had while watching GBBO episode three which is essentially a Great British Bake Off Episode Three recap. 

  1. The funniest thing about this intro is that Paul well wrote that script. If he was a biscuit, he'd eat himself. 
  2. Ugh, poor Phil and NORMAN! Rip Norman. 
  3. Oh sh****t, someone drops their tart, this is going to be dramatic. 
  4. I'm still not comfortable with the idea that Alice and Henry are dating. Nope. 
  5. Last week was pretty shocking, you're not wrong Michael. 
  6. Twenties week? What on earth is twenties week? Who thought of this? What's wrong with flour week, hell I'd even take vegan week over this. 
  7. I'd love to throw a pie in Paul's face. 
  8. YESS HELENA, MY FAIRY GOTH MOTHER. Of course she's making an octopus custard pie.
  9. Here, that looks class. Shut up Prue with your "is this remotely 1920s?"
  10. I've said it once, I'll say it again but Henry and Alice cannot be dating, I'm not okay. 
  11. Of course, Rosie is injecting jelly with horse needles, she loves a horse this one. 
  12. Do you grow your flowers in your Welsh garden, Michelle? She's from Wales in case anyone wasn't aware. 
  13. I blind baked once, couldn't see much mind! ...sorry, I'll let myself out. 






  14. How have I never seen photo evidence of Noel dressed as a flapper girl? 
  15. Ugh, Michael. Come on petal, make up for last week. You got this. 
  16. Priya is the flapper girl we've all been looking for isn't she? That sleek and shiny bob. 
  17. Rosie is such a 'if you've been to Tenerife, she's been to elevenerife' kind of person isn't she. Just let Noel make a joke about crabs having herpes. 
  18. The freezer Henry, really? HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING FROM LAST WEEK?! 
  19. Oooh David got a hair cut, is that a number one or two? How do barbers work again? 
  20. ROSIE YOU IDIOT, HOW DID YOU LET YOUR TART SLIDE? WHY WAS IT SO FAR ON THE EDGE? Such careless handling. No sympathy here. 
  21. Oh god, what poor intern is going to have to clean that up?
  22. Those jelly melts do look great to be fair to your Rosie. 
  23. Noel's shirt is fantastic, as always. 







  24. A HANDSHAKE!! David got a handshake! Star baker, I'm calling it. 
  25. Steph's custard is beautiful and yellow...just like the middle of a daisy. Get it, Daisy Buchanan...Daisy from The Great Gatsby. God Bake Off should really hire me to write jokes. 
  26. Ah Michael, always the optimist. 
  27. Okay, they're really just starting to make up these technical challenges, aren't they? 
  28. Although, these look class. Deep-fried pastry with raspberry jam? That's a bit of me. 
  29. I once made choux pastry in Home Ec, it turned into scrambled eggs and I wasn't allowed cook the next week. Get me on Bake Off. 
  30. MICHAEL ADD MORE FLOUR, ADD MORE FLOUR!!! 
  31. My heart cannot handle Michael crying. Poor lovely Michael. Come on, you can do this.
  32. Shoutout to Noel being the loveliest man in the tent and helping Michael get through his anxiety.
  33. At least he's done something. I once baked cakes for the school bake sale that were so bad I pretended I'd left it on the bus. Worth noting I lived a five-minute walk away from my school. 





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  34. To be fair to Henry, cement does sound an awful lot like sabayon.
  35. Remember that comment I made saying David would get star baker? Yeah, I take that back.
  36. ALL HAIL GOTH QUEEN HELENA. Look at her making something that isn't spooky.
  37. A prohibition showstopper, this is such a made-up week. 
  38. ...was Bram Stoker's Dracula not from 1897? I thought Helena was supposed to be a goth.
  39. "Flies flock to me because I'm dead" Never mind. God, I would die for Helena. 
  40. DO YOU LIKE PIÑA COLADAS? 
  41. I actually do not. A basic b*tch pornstar martini for me, please and thank you. 
  42. "You do need to" Shade from Prue there. 
  43. Helena makes her own raspberry vodka to look like blood, I ADORE THIS WOMAN. 







  44. Tiers have been assembled...but hopefully Michael’s tears will not assemble once again #poetry
  45. Oh dear, Rosie's cake looks like a mess. Bye Rosie. 
  46. David is always so calm. How is he always so calm? 
  47. Michale has pulled it back with that ombre. 
  48. "It's stained glass so it's supposed to be a bit rough" If you say so Priya. 
  49. Yay Michael! 
  50. Helena is well going home to cast a spell on Paul and Prue after those comments.
  51. Rosie’s accidentally made a car tyre instead of ganache. An easy mistake.
  52. Alice should have drawn on those symbols before she stuck them on the cake. Just my professional opinion there. 
  53. How is Paul Hollywood a judge on the show and never had a lime sponge? Granted, I've never had a lime sponge either but I'm not a judge on a baking show. 







  54. Michelle cannot handle criticism, can relate. 
  55. Steph is getting star baker for being consistent, calling it. 
  56. HOW ON EARTH IS HELENA IN THE DANGER ZONE?
  57. Oh, oh, two people are being sent home.
  58. IS THIS A JOKE? SORRY, THIS IS A JOKE. 
  59. WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING THROUGH PAUL AND PRUE'S MINDS? HOW ARE THE JUDGES? WHO APPROVED THIS?
  60. Meh about Michelle, I won't miss her BUT HELENA?!? HOW DARE THEY? HOW DARE THEY? 
  61. ROSIE DROPPED A TART ON THE FLOOR, SERVED UP A HOT MESS AS A SHOW STOPPER AND IS STILL HERE?
  62. Nah. Not having this. 
  63. Paul Hollywood can get in the bin. This is an outrage.




Main image by Channel 4

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