You ask your colleagues, why not ask your partner?
We're only human, which means that we all — even the most confident folks among us — have our own moments when we all feel insecure in our romantic relationships. Whether you feel like your partner doesn’t “really” love you or that you’re “not good enough” for them, feeling insecure is never a pleasant feeling.
That said, insecurity is good to some extent because it makes you work harder in the relationship and value your partner more. If there's too much insecurity though, it can create a toxic atmosphere in the relationship and can wreak havoc on your confidence. See, navigating insecurity can also be difficult for the person on the other side of the relationship, too. It can sometimes feel like offering praise or reassurance is a pointless act when your partner continues to feel the same way no matter what you say.
So, what can you do to make your partner feel better? The answer, apparently, lies in one simple question.
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A new study by the University of Waterloo has revealed that asking the everyday question – “How was your day?” – can help an insecure partner feel cared for without triggering their brain to fight back against compliments they already believe to be untrue.
The study, which surveyed 359 adults in relationships between the ages of 18 to 66, found that the relationship satisfaction reported by the people who said they often felt insecure in their relationships increased when their partners asked them about their day. The adults involved answered two studies – one which assessed how confident they were that their partner loves them, is committed to them and will help them in times of need, and another which asked about their relationship satisfaction.
how was your day?
And it makes a lot of sense. What the research found was that it’s not enough to just say something – you have to show your partner how much you care and prove their inner critic wrong.
There’s simply no point in relying on dishing out compliments to help your insecure partner, especially if many of their insecurities come from their inner critic. There’s nothing wrong with complimenting them (we all need to hear something nice every now and then), but giving them evidence that you care could be a more effective way to combat those negative thoughts.
So if you're on your way home to your S.O., giving them a quick call or texting them all night – ask them about their day.