With all the family gathering together at Christmas, it’s inevitable that you will be asked the dreaded 'Why Are You Still Single?' at least once. Here’s how to own the moment...
Picture this: you go home for Christmas and everyone’s having a great time catching up with you. Mid-everyone laughing, maybe your aunt or uncle blurts out, “So why are you still single?!” Everyone gets quiet and they all look at you, while other relatives start to ask you a variation of the same thing: “Yeah, why are you still single?”
While it's amazing people still think it's appropriate to even ask this question, there nonetheless will likely always be that one distant relative, coworker, friend, or acquaintance from high school who comes up to you at the Christmas party and utters these cringe-worthy words. They may follow it up with, “Because you're just so great.” That doesn't make the situation any less awkward or annoying, and you may find yourself thinking up brilliant responses for when someone asks why you’re still single. That’s where we come in to help.
Whether you’re single or you’re in a relationship, both statuses have their perk. When you’re single, you're free to book spontaneous trips with friends, dedicate your free time completely to your passions and your career, and take a dip in the dating pool (if that’s even what you want at this point in your life).
TRENDING TODAY: 2020 Dating Terms Are Here So You Can Start Fleabagging
So the next time someone asks you why you’re still single, feel free to use any one of the following brilliant and only slightly sassy responses:
create an elaborate lie
This one could keep you entertained through the whole Christmas season but you need a bit of nerve. After all your wild tale of an affair with a Hollywood celeb - or your bus driver - could grow legs and become a legend.
Supermodel Kate Moss is our inspiration for this one, and her mantra ‘Never complain, never explain’. This is good for two reasons. One, you can do a knowing, “Ah well,” in response (accompanying wink is optional) and leave it at that. Also, it’s a reminder not to get drunk and end up on a rant to your nosey auntie Paula about being alone.
hit on *them*
“Am I still single? Not any more.” (*wink, two finger ‘pow’ move.*)
This is an advanced move – as it could backfire horribly. Best used with people who are not going to actually take it as a come-on, like an elderly relative for example. Not one that might get a bit handsy after a few sherries though.
bring a fake partner to parties
In a move straight out of a rom-com, you could invite a friend along to any functions. You can laugh off queries with an unconvincing "Oh, we’re just friends". Their presence might not be enough to hold off the questions but at least you’ll have a wing-person to enjoy the party with.
brazen it out
When confronted with the head-tilt and “Still not met anyone special?’ for the umpteenth time you could go all-out. Try a, ‘Well, Auntie Maureen, I’m too busy trying to hook up with half of Tinder to be honest" to see if that keeps her quiet. But if it turns into you setting up a Tinder account for Auntie Maureen – or her having a go of yours, don’t blame us!
one-liners to keep for an emergency
For when one of the brilliant suggestions above don't cut it, it's best to keep a few equally brilliant one-liners to keep in your back pocket for when the questions won't stop:
“I am in a deeply committed relationship with my phone.”
“Why yes I am, but am happy to take two Christmas gifts if you’re offering.”
“Yep and I’m having a GREAT time, ifyaknowwhatimean,” *wink
“I’ve just broken up with someone, so thanks a lot” (flounce off in tears. They won’t ask again.)
“I’m focusing on my empire. Those Insta posts aren’t going to ‘like’ themselves!”
“Yes.” (intense stare for an uncomfortably long time)
Main image by Studio Canal