Honestly, what did we do to deserve a Lizzo?
Fresh from her iconic performance of Truth Hurts and Good As Hell at the MTV VMAs, Lizzo is out here handing us our lives. Using her iconic lyrics from “Truth Hurts” which say, “I just took a DNA test, turns out I’m 100 per cent that bitch”, Lizzo has created a test to tell you if you too are really "that bitch".
But first things first, what is "that bitch" and why on earth would I want to be her? Well, in the words of Lizzo's style director:
It's like Big Dick Energy, but better
And that, that I can get on board with. So how does one even become "100 per cent that bitch?" Well, Lizzo teamed up with Spotify to create a quiz that determines exactly what per cent of "that bitch" you are and I'm actually appalled at my results.
To start, Spotify asks users' permission to access their information so they can gift you a playlist curated by Lizzo herself (give them the permission, it's worth it). It has everyone from Miss Elliot to Destiny's Child to Rihanna and Kelis. Essentially these are all of the iconic ladies who influenced Lizzo so GDPR who?!
After the playlist is in hand–Spotify will ask you to snap (or upload) a photo. Then the quiz begins. The first question is actually a lot harder than we would have imagined. It asks–“How do you feel about relationships?” Deep.
From there, the simple questions range from "How best can one shoot their shot?" to "Who's the baddest bitch?" Hint: You should probably pick yourself. I didn't, I went with the Bad Gal Rihanna because duh and selected "take selfies and cry" when asked what I do after I get my hair done because I'm pathetic, which probably explains why I'm only 51 per cent that bitch. A percentage I'm crediting solely to the fact I selected "Anderson Paak" when asked who my next man will be because well, that smile.
I'm hurt and ashamed. Do I even deserve to sing "Truth Hurts" in my shower anymore? There is probably a reason why I'm only 51% that bitch –but for Lizzo, I'm willing to work on it.
Other questions ask you “What kind of pet you have" and “what instrument you'd pick to learn as a child?” It’s actually super cute and hella fun. Take it for yourself here, but warning: the truth hurts.
Main image by Getty Images